None of Self, All of Thee

What gets in the way of being Christ? My clothing choices, the books I read, looking in the mirror, being with people who do not help me draw closer to the Creator. Almost everything in this world distracts from its Creator. It is as satan wanted it to be in many ways. But talking about it and praying about it in the open makes him cower in fear.
    One of the first things I think of when I wake up is what I will wear, and how I am going to “deal with” someone or a certain situation. I do not think about how I can help further the kingdom. I do not wake up thanking God for the day. I think about what is wrong. Sometimes I wish I could tattoo myself permanently with personal reminders!
    When I was baptized I let the Spirit of God dwell in my body and in my spirit. I have the Spirit of God within me. What am I doing to glorify Him? I  want to work as a spirit, not a body.
When I work as a body I think about my image when I work, what does my neck look like? How frizzy is my hair? How uneven are my eyes right now? Are there pimples on my face? When we work as a spirit to glorify the Breather of Stars we forget it all.
    All is left behind. “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me, and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” -Matthew 9:37-39
When serving out of LOVE all will be lost. When I read whoever finds his life will lose it- I think that if we find our worldly life when serving to be greater than dying to self while serving we are forgetting what we were made to do and what Christ made us for, expects of us. When I think of someone who exhibits this none of self and all of Thee attitude I think of Kayla Rogers. She is a light to many, including myself. She sees and reflects on the wonder and mystery of God often.
    When I think of Kayla Rogers I think more of her kind heart, willing soul, and love for the Life Breather. She has the attitude of “none of self, all of Thee”, she is beautiful because of her heart, rather than what she wears, or how her hair looks. This counts for any given day!  I want to be like her in this way. She finds beauty in the most simple things, like a flower petal. She can see the LORD in a flower petal.
    How cool is that?
I want to be like her in this, she is like Jesus. I can see Him shining through her. She glorifies Him in all she does. When she spills her coffee. Maybe she embarrasses herself a bit she doesn’t let that ruin her day! She gets up and praises God for what He has done for her. This reminds me of when I was little. After we prayed my family would lie on the ground and praise God with what we had. We would lift our hands in the air and wiggle our fingers. We would say, “Praaaaiiiisssseee Goooood!” Then we would lift our feet in the air and wiggle our toes and say the same thing. We did that often. When I look back on that I think fondly because I see what my parents were trying to show us. Even when we feel like we have nothing to praise God with, when we don’t know how to glorify Him in words, we praise Him with what we have. We give Him all.  The Bethel song, Have It All, comes to mind while recalling this memory.
    Why do we humans feel the need to dress to impress? I have stereotyped people due to what they wear and how they groom themselves. (Heidi Wornock is so good at not doing this). Why do we find confidence in what we wear? I want to find my confidence in Christ! When I look in the mirror, I want to think, “Yep, that’s me, I am created in God’s image. I am His masterpiece, His poem.” And move on.

THINGS TO DO:
Cover mirrors
Hide the makeup
Keep mobile data off
Listen to your mother when she tells you not to watch videos.
Take care of yourself, because you house the Spirit of God
This means you need to work out.
Drink plenty of water.
Eat healthy food.
Don’t replace desserts with other foods.

These are things I want to do because these are some of the things keeping me from God. They’re distractions. Fasting is difficult, and I NEED to do it.

Where My Feet May Fail

i have been super sad the last couple of months. i have been so questioning of myself, my faith, and who i am in general. i feel as though i have lost myself. There are some days or times where i feel as though i will never have to doubt myself or my faith in The Creator ever again.

Other times i feel as though i will always be in a pit. As i type this i realize it is because i am not putting all hope, trust, mind, heart, and soul into my relationship with Him. i was able to go to a wonderful conference last weekend and there was a room in the hotel and station we were able to use. There in the coroner of a dimly lit room was a small model of the cross.

On this cross there were many names of all the people in a certain youth group who have signed it because they realize the importance and the significance of the cross that Jesus took His life for us on. There was a barrier made of little blocks wrapped in brown paper surrounding this cross. On these boxes we were able to write what was keeping us from seeing Jesus face to face and leave it at His cross.

Surrender ourselves. It has been so hard for me to do this because i tend to hold myself back from God. i don't give Him all i am. And it is such a sad thing. i sort-of avoided this activity until the end of our stay at the hotel. (that is a regret) i ask God over and over again to take all i am. i say i give Him my all. But i guess i tend to keep myself tied down to this horrible, sinful world.

This situation reminds me of this story;

Ananias and Sapphira5 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. 2 With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.
3 Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heartthat you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? 4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal?What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”
5 When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. 6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.7 About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”9 Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.

Now i may not be struck dead by God, but i think you understand the similarities between our relationship with God and how Ananias and Sapphira kept their possessions back and lied. they kind of represent our human hearts. 

Doubt is a normal human thing. That is why we have faith, free will, and grace given to us. What a beautiful thing this is! i will never stop working on giving God absolutely everything. Honestly i wish i could just rid myself of everything that i don't need and become a missionary right now. That would be so cool. It's just i have so much learning to do. 

God gives us so much time. He gives us resources and people. i need to be more thankful for what He has given me. 

God gives and takes away. and through it all i will turn around and thank Him. it may be hard to see the blessing He is giving us at the time that is helping to shape us, but someday the time will come where we will start to understand. God gave me a really amazing friend one time. this person decided they no longer desired to be my friend a month ago. i was devastated. and extremely angry. i still am. 

As i was praying the other night God showed me something; i had let my happiness depend on this person. i had not been trusting or relying on God. (That was a stupid thing to do) i am able to talk to someone about the sadness and brokenness that has come with this. and it has helped some. she said that keeping anger and festering on the anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. i have been sitting on this anger for too long and it is time for me to let go. the other person has moved on and i haven't. i will. i know i will. it's unfair to myself to let the other person live their life and not be able to move on. so i will. i'm working on it. 

at the conference i went to a class where a wise man taught us that it was okay to feel. it is okay to be angry. no person's sadness is less than someone else's. pain and sadness meets us where we are. the body of Christ comes together in moments of joy and moments of sadness. it is okay to be sad. we still need to look to the joy of the Lord. Even when it's hard sometimes i'll praise Him. He gave me this friend and He took them away. soon i will learn to be thankful for this experience. later i will learn how this blessed me. i want to learn. and i will. 

what i have typed has shown that i am a broken person looking for my perfect Creator. i will be healed. i will be renewed. i serve the God who forgives, who blesses, who takes away. Though while we are on this earth we will never truly understand Him, some day we will. and that day and every day between now and the time to come i will surrender and lift my hands and heart to Him again and again. 

HE REDEEMS

HE RESTORES

HE is POWERFUL

HE is MIGHTY

HE is EVERYTHING i am not. 

we will be made new. 

how beautiful is that?

xoxo- the child of the ONE TRUE KING

I honestly don't know how to blog. or be a good blogger. or what to write about.

So if you actually read this, thank you so much. 

I've been having a really hard time recently, especially with friends. I just lost my best friend not long ago. It has been so hard trying to let go of him. 

As I type this I realize I still haven't let go of him. I haven't given this to God how I wanted to. I haven't been giving much of myself to God recently. And honestly I feel like a horrible person. 

I know people make mistakes. But typing this out to publish doesn't seem to validate anything. It doesn't. I don't need to have an excuse. It is all my fault that I have not given myself to God, my Creator, as He deserves. 

He deserves so much and I can't ever return what He has given me. WOW, guys, He gave up His Son for little me. I can NEVER return what He has done. 

But that's what grace is. and I am so thankful for that. He is so good. So so good. 

Have a Merry Christmas and some super happy Holidays!